Yet Another Bad Idea

The End of an Era

2009-12-23T10:36:32Z

I've come to a conclusion: Henceforth, I'm going to stop putting two spaces after a period when typing, starting with this very post. This might seem like nothing, I admit, but it really is a very, very big deal.

You see, one is supposed to put two spaces after a period. There might be any number of nonsensical reasons for this, but there is one very important reason, and it has to do with the fact that the period is used for more things than a full stop. Consider the sentence below:

I told him that those were the books, pencils, papers, etc. I left you.

If you read the above sentence, there's no way to know that it's one sentence or two, unless I say so. Consider that the rest of that discourse may have read, "Then I told him which books I wanted copied out," or, "And even though I regretted it every day, I knew I couldn't go back to you, and he knew it too (which is why I called him up to come and take your precious writing materials which pain me so)."

Specifically, when a period is used to indicate either an abbreviation or an abbreviation and the end of the sentence ("double duty"), the extra space is functional: it tells you that the sentence has ended, and its absence indicates the opposite.

Modern word processors and web browsers, though, in their infinite wisdom, have decided in their single-minded, computer-sciency way, that since modern fonts are "smart", they can put the "correct" amount of space after a period, so users no longer have to put two spaces after a period! Ta da!

Oh, wait, except for the fact that a browser or word processor can't tell the freaking difference between a period that's used as a full stop and a period that indicates an abbreviation!

ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ahem.

Anyway, so here's the problem. Most web browsers completely ignore two spaces after a period. It treats two (or three or four or seventeen) consecutive spaces as a single space, those spaces are nestled in between <pre> tags, or the user writes   for every single space (of course, if you go that route, suddenly the web browser doesn't know where to wrap the text, unless you manually insert places where the web browser can break the text, you stupid piece of junky machinery!!! GARGHGH!).

What's worse, though, is that some web-based programs (e.g. blogs [though not this one, thank goodness]) are "smart", and they treat two spaces as two spaces instead of one. Far from solving the problem, this creates a new problem. Now that those two spaces are two characters, if a line breaks at the end of a sentence (where someone like me puts two spaces), then there is a very real possibility that the line will begin with a space.

That is, it will look like this.

So. As the entire world is completely infreakingsane, I have tossed my marigold into the ocean, and I am going to make a conscious effort (I'm going to have to...) to start putting one and only one space after periods, question marks and exclamation points.

But one final word.

I hereby place a curse on the dictionary! Henceforth, the relevance of monolingual dictionaries will diminish daily. The dictionary companies one by one will crumble to dust until the one one left is the Oxford English Dictionary. And when that day comes, something phenomenal will happen: Something so incredible that Broadway will be forced to recognize the occurrence in song.

I have spoken!

A Christmas Present!

2009-12-21T08:17:52Z

Today I got a wonderful Christmas present from rsadelle. I forget when or where, but somewhere on LiveJournal (I thought it was a comment on a post by rsadelle, but a quick search yielded negative results...), I came with an idea for a cheap Christmas present. Specifically, the givee gets to specify something for the giver to read, listen to, or watch, and today, rsadelle game me just that!

I'm really excited, of course, but at the same time, if this person is your friend (and you wish them to remain your friend), you have a responsibility to not give them something horribly awful (e.g. something by him, him or him [oh, and I guess those links presuppose that I've chosen reading material, which is what I've done]). I can try to pick something I think rsadelle will like, but I'll likely choose wrong, so at the very least, what I've tried to do is choose something I love that I think will not be offensive.

And so, relying on one of my old standbys, I've chosen one of my absolute favorite authors of all time, and one of the greatest writers in the history of the universe: Virginia Woolf. And while To the Lighthouse may be her best, and Mrs. Dalloway may be her most famous, I've chosen the one I've read most recently, and whose status is, in my mind, the most controversial (in that I don't agree with what most people say about it): Orlando: A Biography.

So, rsadelle: Let me know, first, if you've read this one before (if you have, I'll choose something else), and also let me know if you'd like me to send it to you when I get back home, or if you just want to get it from the library. And thank you! This is just what I wanted. :) (Not saying necessarily from you, but I wanted someone to try it out, because I really think this idea has promise!)

In addition, if you will accept it as a gift, I would like to do the same for you. I'll read, watch or listen to anything you wish me to (provided it isn't horror, because horror movies scare me, but I figure I'm pretty safe there with you). You can include many of the series you watch or have watched, because most of my friends will have one or several on DVD, and I can borrow them.

Also, if anyone else reading this would like to spread this idea along, let me know! Just bear in mind with books that I'm a very, very slow reader. (I finished Dante's The Divine Comedy this past fall. I started reading it in the fall of 1997. That is no joke.)

Wordle.net: Pretty Cool!

2009-12-16T00:00:12Z

I just came across Wordle.net, and I wanted to give it a shout out. You put random text into its Java applet, and you can produce wild word nets that look neat. I copied a good chunk of the first chapter of Kafka's Metamorphosis and did one. You can see the result below:

Not bad! Anyway, it's yet another fun internet toy to play around with.

We're In!

2009-12-09T08:34:11Z

And the internet has returned! Hooray!

Aside from missing some of the best football games of the year, Allen Iverson's return to Philly, and several great threads on Conlang, I've come through my internet-less ordeal relatively unscathed. Not so with the move, though.

Among other accidents, I was shoving stuff into the "mom's attic" section of our U-Haul, and, incredibly, with my mouth open, I hit the bottom of my right front tooth on the metal wall and broke off a small piece of the bottom of it. If you look at the wall, you can see where my tooth hit (it made a dent), and you can also see tooth dust: the shattered remains of what was the bottom of Ol' Choppy (that's my name for my right front tooth). Luckily I have friends who are dentists, and they kind of shaved it down. Hopefully one day you won't be able to notice...

Now that we have the internet, we're almost moved. We still have to clean up the old place and move some stuff out of it and unpack, but other than that, we're set!

Well, that is, once we (i.e. I)'ve cleaned out the storage area.

You see, we have a storage area directly in front of our parking space. There was a lock on it, but we were told we could break the lock off and do what we will with what was inside. I expected a few trashbags, maybe a box or two, an old telephone... Here's what it looked like after I'd emptied a good portion of it:

Some of the interesting things I found in there:

An autobiography of Regis Philbin entitled Who Wants to Be ME?

A high school Spanish book (still covered) entitled ¿Qué Tal?

Two old vacuum cleaners: One for the house, and one for the car.

Eight or nine moving blankets from Ryder (on them they read, "PROPERTY OF RYDER - PLEASE RETURN." Evidently that was what the previous occupant was supposed to have done with them).

A chainsaw sharpener that you power with your car battery (I thought they were jumper cables at first). For those days where you take your chainsaw out camping with you only to discover that, for whatever reason, your chainsaw isn't sharp enough.

Oh, and, as you might see in the picture, a beer keg. A full beer keg.

Luckily my friends have agreed to take the keg off my hands. I think they plan to use it as furniture, which is fine by me, as long as they help me haul it away, since I can't lift it by myself (and putting it in our dumpster would seem...unneighborly).

But by and large, we're good. It's been awfully cold (for Southern California), and there's stuff everywhere, but little by little, this place is coming to feel like home.

November '09

2009-12-03T07:27:00Z

A busy, albeit not very productive month:

I sent the fourth installment off to sima_q; haven't heard back yet. (The end is in sight!)

Oh, something of mine is in this month's SpecGram (more on it later).

Oh, hey, we also started up a podcast for SpecGram. You can subscribe (I think) here. Basically, we read articles. I did a few of them (you can probably tell which are me).

I started work on a new language, which is just a total waste of time...

Other than that, I did less work for the TV show than I thought I would (but still a non-insignificant amount).

Of course, the biggest thing has been the new condo. I can't believe we went from looking for a place to moving in in just a month... Yet the time has come! (P.S.: If you live in Southern California, and you're not busy this Saturday, let me know!) Poor allegram... I got sick when we were doing work over at the place on Friday, and I haven't been any help at all. I'm almost better, though, so I'll pick it up; don't worry.

For those of you who haven't come across it yet, my article in this month's SpecGram is more or less a direct parody of the Time Cube website. The ol' Time Cube was kind of an internet sensation awhile back, and continues to shock and amaze (if you click on the link, you'll see why).

Essentially, this nut came up with a theory that there are actually four simultaneous days going on in any 24 hour day. He came to this conclusion by realizing that if it's noon somewhere, then it's midnight on the other side of the world, six p.m. on another side, and six a.m. on another. Thus, when rotation happens, it's not just advancing one day: it's advancing four separate days simultaneously!

Of course, the logical response to this is that, well, since the Earth is a sphere, aren't there not merely four simultaneous days going on, but an infinite number of simultaneous days going on—and at that point, isn't the fact rather insignificant?

Logic aside, Dr. Gene Ray (self-proclaimed "Wisest Human") is still going strong. It's really sad, of course, but he does seem to be healthy and living comfortably, so as long as his four corner day keeps him happy, I guess we don't have to feel bad about having a chuckle at his expense.

Okay, back to work! Things to do...

A Long Day with Fruitful Results

2009-11-28T07:41:37Z

Well, me, allegram, my parents and my little sister spent about eight hours at the new place, and, man, it's really starting to come together! The faucet's been replaced, the grouting is finished, we replaced the linoleum in the pantry, the electrics are all in order, and we've got a doormat.

shellaby pointed out (quite rightly) that we, thus far, hadn't put up any pictures of the condo itself, so I thought I'd try to fix that a little bit (though more would be better).

That's a picture taken from the second story looking down on the living room. It's all tile down there.

This is a picture of me and allegram on the second floor (there's a great big window behind us with blinds on it. The bottom of the window is actually level with the second floor).

And that's a picture of my little sister sweeping out our back patio. It's pretty cute: She has a kid-sized apron from Lowe's that has her name on it. She actually toughed out the entire eight hour day with no complaining at all. She insisted on helping out where she could (turning back the clock on those child labor laws!), even though she had her Nintendo DS with her.

But perhaps most interesting is what my little sister did during a break. I'm not sure when she did this, but it was some time today. All she had for entertainment (other than her DS) was a clipboard, a pencil, and a single sheet of paper. This is what she did with it.

This isn't the first poem my little sister has written. I actually came across a small little book of "songs" she wrote (just lyrics). One I was particularly interested in was one that went as follows:

Everybody drive
Everybody drive now
Ahhhhhhh!
Everybody drive
Everybody drive now
Bump bump bump bump bump bump
You don't want to die

Pretty wild.

In case you can't read her latest effort, it goes like this (I've cleaned up this spelling a bit):

Young man painting
Roller paintbrush
Painting the wall
Has a hat on
Has no glasses
White shirt and jeans
Light brown hair
Candle on stairs
Has a ladder out
Fat
Fancy tile on floor
Brown eyes

It's crucial to note that we did no painting today, and never have; the place was freshly painted before we bought it (we did, though, have a candle on the stairs). So evidently she was just looking at the walls and imagining how it was painted and who did it. It needs a little work, but I think it's pretty good! I don't know who taught her to write poetry, though, because I've never been able to make heads or tails of it. I just hope she keeps going with it, and doesn't succumb to the "school" poetry one is taught to write. It'd be a shame if ten years from now all she can do is ABAB CDCD...

The Frost Is Off the Ground

2009-11-25T04:33:26Z

Moving day is at hand!

So it's all sewn up now; the new place is all ours. We'll probably wait till the weekend after this upcoming one to move in. For the time being, though...

That's Erin installing our deadbolt. I was going to do it, but she jumped right in while I was still bringing stuff in from the car... Yet again, I've been emasculated.

That's our new key! The OSH near our new place has keys with all sorts of designs on them, so, of course, we had to get the blue and gold.

And, most importantly...

The Blue Cat is down! Since college, the Blue Cat with his bright orange bow has presided over my abode, a stern reminder that all things are blue, serious and feline. Now that the Blue Cat stands guard, the new house really is our new house. Huzzah!

P.S.: The Hot Hot Heat rock. Why are they not more popular...?

The Prisoner: Worst "Remake" Ever

2009-11-19T11:12:51Z

No, no. Let me get some Cup O' Noodles first. I'm'a need them for this...

Okay, the water's boiling. I'm ready.

I recently watched AMC's miniseries "remake" of the fantastic television show from the 60s The Prisoner, of which I'm a huge fan—as are many others (it's in Time Magazine's top 100 [unordered], it was voted the #7 cult television show of all time by TV Guide [huh. It's not in TV Guide's top 50, but Twin Peaks is... Wouldn't've called that one], the last episode was nominated for a Hugo award [it lost to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Don't know about that one...]). The entire series run was six hourlong episodes shown two a day for three days (this past Sunday, Monday and Tuesday). I watched all six, even though I knew after seeing the first minute of the first episode that the entire thing was garbage.

And, of course, at the end of the sixth episode, my initial ruling was confirmed: The show is GARBAGE.

Basically, the plot, the themes and the characters in the show are a crude pastiche of the following: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Vanilla Sky, Fight Club, Lost, The Truman Show, Equilibrium, Twin Peaks, and The Matrix Trilogy. There's absolutely not a single original idea—or even an original take on an old idea—in the entire series. That, of course, isn't a problem for a remake—but notice that there's a title missing from that list. That's right: The Prisoner!

This "remake" wasn't a remake at all. It was somewhat reminiscent of the new Twilight Zone, Super Mario Bros. the movie and Ron Howard's The Grinch. Each of these remakes (or in the case of Mario Bros., a realization) was bringing to life something old that had a very specific style, and a huge fanbase. Each filmmaker gutted the original style, and ran roughshod over everything that made the originals unique and interesting, thus alienating the fanbase. And, as for new fans, well, the remakes were terrible, so it attracted no praise from the uninitiated, either.

As a counterexample, take the recent Star Trek movie. There's stuff in the new movie that will give old fans fits (e.g. totally gutting the entire history of all previous series), but it doesn't matter, because the movie is stellar—even for those who'd never seen an episode of Star Trek before. It was a departure, but it was extraordinarily well-done, and still retained the spirit of the original, while changing (fundamentally, in some cases) the details.

Back to The Prisoner. The original series had some hard and fast fundamental rules that it operated by, namely:

A distinct style which can't be missed.

The only recurring character is Number Six (with a couple exceptions).

Number Two runs the Village, and is trying to find out why Number Six resigned. Number Six never reveals this information.

Number One is above Number Two, but no one knows Number One's identity—not even Number Two (until the last episode).

Number Six can't be killed (several Number Twos really want to kill him, but Number One never allows them).

Number Six is a former secret agent who resigned. He finds himself in the Village, and wants only to escape (there are only two episodes I can think of where he's either not actively trying to escape, or not trying to extricate himself from a trap Number Two has set for him).

There are some other commonalities, but these are the most important.

In the new Prisoner, each of these fundamental concepts is destroyed. While the new Village has a distinct look and feel to it (not a bad job there), the whole thing is ruined by these absurd underground "hard core" bars that people keep going to. The only word for them is gratuitous. Utter nonsense.

The biggest problem is the second item. Throughout the series, Number Six is the same (good!), Number Two is the same (bad!), and a whole score of other recurring characters are introduced (fail!). The result is a Prime Time TV Drama. "omg wutz her secret?!?!! lol" Garbage.

Number Two has a family in this one, complete with a son who's beginning to question the Village, and (shock and awe!) is gay! (It's more than a little amusing that Ian McKellen, who plays Two [another thing: they address each other by number only, leaving out the word "Number". The result is stupid], is upset by his son's homosexuality.) There's nothing new or unexpected with this plot line. It might have been shocking and new in 1992, but seventeen years later...yeah, sorry. We get it.

Two, of course, is no longer interested in why Six resigns (why would he be? He's in a virtual reality world and is of no consequence in the real world—oops! Did I give that away...?), and Six himself tells another character why he resigns pretty early on. It's a non-issue in the series, but is forcibly inserted here and there in order to remind the viewer that, "Oh, yeah, this is supposed to be The Prisoner..."

There is no Number One in the new series. Instead, it becomes a pun: Six is the One. Get it? He's the one to take over for Two to become the new Two! Hurrah! Of course, the whole deal with Number One was, well, kind of very important in the original series. For many years, the last episode of the original series, in which Number One's identity is revealed, was the highest rated single television episode of all time in Britain (it may very well still be; not sure how you check on something like that). That whole aspect of the series was neatly tucked away—aside from the fact that they now ruin the ending of the original series for new viewers by alluding to the fact that Number Six was Number One.

In the new series, of course, Six doesn't die, but at the same time, there's never a sense that he can't die. This was one of the things I found so fascinating about the original series. By the end, there's no information this guy could possibly have that could be that important. What you're left with, then, is the fact that this entire Village (old series we're talking about) is set up entirely for Number Six. He is the single most important person in the Village, and he can never die. But why?! And that's what sets up the final episode. In this new series, Six isn't important—how could he be, with all the screen time the other actors get? His isn't even the most interesting story. There's no point for him to be there; he has nothing at stake; he doesn't have anything in the real world to go back to. All of the complaining they make him do strikes one as utterly hollow. He says he wants to escape because he's supposed to say he wants to escape, but there's no emotion behind it; no motivation. It's devoid of content and meaning.

And perhaps the subtlest change that turns out to be crucial is that Six is no longer a former secret agent. Instead, he's a former employee of Summakor (a made-up "Big Brother" corporation that knows all and sees all. Ooooooh! What's that from, Ultraviolet?). He's not especially skilled or interesting. The original Number Six was a badass. He was skilled in combat, a good detective, and a great spy. The new Six is pathetic, which is, unfortunately, appropriate. He's totally unexceptional—and, if you think about it, there's no reason that he, of all people, should be the new Two. If it could be him, it could be just about anybody.

And, of course, there's the whole deal about the first series being about the ultimate individual struggle between good and evil, and this one being about a virtual reality simulation that's somehow supposed to help schizophrenics return to reality (uh...how? Does Bill Gallagher know anything about schizophrenia...?), but we can leave that aside for the moment.

No, the thing I find most disturbing about the new series is the total and utter destruction of Patrick McGoohan's ideals. Both The Prisoner and the later episodes of Danger Man after he obtained creative control were characterized by McGoohan's high moral ideals. Specifically, he had it in his contract (at least for Danger Man; since he was the creator of The Prisoner, he had all that under control) that his character would try to solve every problem first by wit or reason; violence would always be a last resort. He refused to actually kill anyone on screen. He felt that there should be no overt "sex" scenes (in the 60s, that would've been kissing), since he felt children should be able to watch the show (he actually turned down the role of James Bond for just this reason).

The new series, it seems, is almost making fun of all this. There's a sex scene, gratuitous near-nudity (cage dancers, etc.), lots of on-screen, gory killing—basically what we've come to expect from modern television, only done very poorly—and predictably! For example, these random holes start appearing in the ground of the Village (think The NeverEnding Story [Two even calls it a nothing!]), and we're treated to a melodramatic scene where the cab driver (one of the terrible recurring characters)'s daughter is riding melodramatically on her tricycle towards a hole. We skip between shots of this and Six et al. inside not paying attention. It goes back and forth and back and forth until, suddenly and for no reason, someone realizes something wrong, and they dash out of the house just in time to see the cab driver's daughter fall melodramatically into the hole. OH NOEZ!!11!1

Blech. Just awful. We get a sense for Bill Gallagher, the writer of the new show, and what he thinks is "good" in an interview he did with Televisionary. Here's an excerpt:

So I knew very early on that I wanted a Number Two and this Number Two would do battle with Number Six across the whole series and then given that then I start to ask, who is this Number Two? What is the moral quicksand in his life?

As soon as anyone says—sincerely—the words "the moral quicksand in his life", run. This reminds me of Ron Howard pontificating about the nature of the Grinch ("There wasn't enough story to make a full-length movie, so I asked myself, 'How did the Grinch get to be the Grinch...?" Answer: NO ONE CARES IF YOU'RE THE ONE ANSWERING!).

Ironically, the most insulting thing about this show (that it bares little if any resemblance to the original series, but simply has "homages" thrown in for color) is its one saving grace. Why? Because I know that in the future, there is no chance of this terrible miniseries having any ill effect on the original series, since it can barely be considered a remake at all. It's not like a terrible movie version of a book, where everyone sees the movie and disregards the book. No, this thing is destined for the dustbins of history, and even if someone does come across, it will not diminish the brilliance of the original series (even though watching it tells you who Number One is in the first one).

So, six mind-rotting hours later, I'm offended, but not defeated. I'm just glad Patrick McGoohan didn't live long enough to witness this soulless atrocity.

I'm One of Them Now

2009-11-13T07:56:45Z

Barring any unforeseen catastrophes, allegram and I are home owners. We just put down our deposit on a condo in the nice part of Santa Ana (well, one of the nice parts; there are several). The nice thing is that our monthly payments, all told, will be lower, and we won't be throwing our money away on rent anymore. The uncertain part is we don't have our false cushion anymore (false in that we never had a cushion: just an inflatable life preserver with a slow leak). I feel pretty good about this, though. I may have to give up on things and get a money job (for awhile, at least), but it was bound to happen. Anyway, in case you were wondering why there haven't been many posts this month, this is why. Busy, busy, busy...

October '09

2009-11-02T06:56:31Z

Ack! What a month! A short, tabular review:

Novel got put on hold.

Didn't write any book reviews or writing guide errors (but I have two big reviews to do!).

Went to jury duty; didn't make the cut (quelle domage!).

Got an idea for a children's book; haven't finished.

So if that's all I didn't do, what on Earth did I do?

It's been a busy, busy month for several reasons. Among other things, I helped out at the OCC GATE fall conference at UCI. The funny thing is, of all the conferences I've been to, helped plan and/or helped run, this was the smoothest I've ever seen. What a pleasant surprise! Well done from beginning to end.

allegram and I have also started hunting for a permanent place to live. Provided everything goes well, we're saying goodbye to apartments for good. Unfortunately, nothing has really gone well. We've spent a lot of time hunting and looking at places, and even put in a couple offers, but have had absolutely no luck (lots of places where the listing agent says they've gotten no offers, only to reveal after we've submitted our offer that they've gotten like forty). We have an offer in now, so our fingers are crossed. It's hard to really get excited about any of these places when it's more than likely we won't actually be living there...

I also set up a site for Erin's wedding planner business: ErinsEngagements.com. Take a look and let me know what you think!

But, of course, the largest enterprise I undertook over the course of the last month (two months, really) was I applied for a job posted by the LCS. Without going into details, the job was to create a language for an upcoming television show. The application process was exhausting (took most of my free time for the past two months), and there were a ton of excellent conlangers applying. At the beginning of this month, I was informed that I'd moved onto the final round, and this past Friday, I was informed that I'd won.

This is probably the most exciting news I've had in about...oh, a year and a half—and a welcome bit of good luck after a seemingly endless string of disappointments. I'm not sure just how well this is all going to pan out, but for the time being, it's enough to keep me afloat.

Until someone somewhere leaks the information, or I'm given the okay by the network, I signed a thing saying I wouldn't say anything about the series, so all I can say for now is that it's a major TV network, and the show is, at this point in time, guaranteed a pilot (and I'm guaranteed work for the pilot). If the pilot is picked up, the show will get a one season run, and I'm guaranteed work for the first season. Thereafter, I imagine it will depend on the show's popularity, the quality of my work, and the direction of the show. Still and all, very exciting!

In case you're wondering why this is the first anything about this has been mentioned on my blog (even though the job posting itself has been public for a couple months, and this application has been the only thing on my mind since August), it's largely because of me. I really gave this my all. I lost a lot of sleep and put a lot of hours into my application (which, essentially, was a full language [I put more effort into this language than I have many of my own languages]), and if I hadn't won out, I would've been pretty devastated—and the very last thing I would've wanted to deal with is all my wonderful, well-meaning friends and family whom I love dearly asking me, "So, did you get the job!" Ack! So pretty much only the people directly involved in the application process and allegram knew anything about this—and allegram didn't know very much (sorry! I was too paranoid!).

Nevertheless, it's come to a happy end, and I look forward to finally being able to spill my guts about it. This right here is only about 13% of my guts. We'll have to wait for the rest.

So I'm on Jury Duty...

2009-10-29T16:36:00Z

Just cleared the first jury call, so now I'm settling in for seven and a half hours of solid nothing. Hooray!

Interesting bit today, though. A court employee (staff, I'm guessing) gave a presentation today and did have a curious way of speaking. She did make sure to emphasize every tense element of every sentence. She did not use contractions. She was not the best speaker, but she did do her best. It did occur to me that, as this was her job, she probably does have to do this every single day, and so there may be a special reason she does emphasize every single T in the ol' binary branching tree. I did consider the fact that it may have to do with the fact that there are a lot of non-native English speakers who are selected for jury duty, but this did not prevent me from being slightly annoyed...

Huh. She just made another announcement, and did do the exact same thing... Looks like there's another random jury announcement. Here we go! Crossing my fingers that I still get to sit here and do nothing.

Ugh

2009-10-24T12:51:58Z

Going to help out at the OCC GATE Fall Conference at UCI. Have to be there by 6:30 a.m. Woke up at 5:00 a.m. FIVE A.M. I mean, honestly, who are they trying to kid with this "X:00 a.m. in the morning" stuff? Nothing good happens between three and seven in the morning—I know, I've been there!

Bluh.

How can I make this productive...? Oh, I know. I recently got the new albums from the following bands: Megadeth, Sonata Arctica, Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions and the Flaming Lips. Long story short: They're all stellar. Good year for music, 2009.

San Diego's New Nickname

2009-10-18T06:27:42Z

I had a very strange dream last night. Among other things, in this dream, I was chatting with friends, and I was musing on city nicknames ("The Big Apple," "Sin City," "LaLa Land", etc.), and I suddenly came up with the perfect nickname for San Diego: The Bad Yellow. All my friends in the dream thought this was brilliant and hilarious, and so did I.

I continued to think so even after I woke up. I had one of those instances where when you wake up, much of the dream still seems real. I'd forgotten the name I'd come up with, but remembered that I'd come up with a nickname for San Diego. After a little thought I remembered, "Oh, yeah. The Bad Yellow. That's perfect!"

About five minutes later, when I was really awake, I thought again about the name "The Bad Yellow", and realized (quite rightly) that it made absolutely no sense. Oh well.

Just in case you're interested, though, San Diego, both badyellow.com and thebadyellow.com are available! I've even got a slogan for you: "Come to San Diego, the Bad Yellow: If you find a worse yellow, you buy it!"

Are You Ready for Some Additional Football?

2009-10-09T08:35:39Z

Mark your datebooks! Today, Thursday the eighth of October, was the first game of the United Football League!

"A new professional football league," you say? "Why haven't I heard about it?" Indeed. Why not? Everything about this league seemed to be a "secret" (at least, that's the impression I think they were trying to give. On our end, it just looked like they were doing everything by the seat of their pants. But I'm sure that wasn't the case...). The most marketable part of the league leading up to the first game, which caught everyone off-guard, was the coaches, and the fact that, if Michael Vick got out of jail, and if he wasn't allowed to play in the NFL, or if he were allowed but weren't signed, that the UFL wouldn't be opposed to signing him. (Of course, then Vick was reinstated by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and was subsequently signed by the Philadelphia Eagles, rendering all that speculation moot.)

Those who know me best, though, know that I was looking forward to this league for one reason and one reason only: the logos. Well, that and the uniforms, but the logos most importantly. A brand new league means a brand new set of teams, which means a whole new batch of logos to gawk at and/or admire! I love expansion teams and fledgling leagues like these! And while it's true that the league's logo left much to be desired, surely the team logos would be exciting, right?

OMG

In order, that's the California Redwoods (I know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes), the Florida Tuskers (ditto), the Las Vegas Locomotives (abbreviated as "Locos") and the New York Sentinels.

And, just in case you haven't figured out the schema, here's each team's helmet:

And, just to make it abundantly clear, since the color of the Tuskers' helmet (pictured above) isn't exactly accurate, here are the uniforms (note the color of the Tuskers' helmets and uniforms below):

To sum up, this is what the league decided to do.

The UFL league logo comprises five colors: white, black, gray, light blue, and neon green. They decided, "Hey, let's fix it so that each team's logo and uniform uses only those colors in the league logos, and no others!"

And that's what they did.

Ignoring the fact that the Tuskers' logo is a spunky pig, if you look at the four logos, you think one thing: gray. Looking at the Redwoods' logo, one almost automatically thinks (as I did): am I looking at a black and white version of their logo? I mean, what tree on Earth has gray bark?! And do real redwoods have leaves that are neon green? No!

And not only that, the overbearing "polished" gray in all the logos detracts from the good ones (the piggy and the Sentinels' serviceable logo).

Now for the uniforms. I watched about five minutes of the UFL's first game today. It was the California Redwoods at the Las Vegas Locos (god, that's awful... Don't invent a shortening for your team's name: that's for the fans to do. This is almost as bad as the Memphis Maniax [though note: Their logo was better than yours, Las Vegas! You should be humiliated!—especially with so many fantastic train logos to emulate (e.g. the Purdue Boilermakers and the fantastic logo of the Orange County Flyers)]...). In football, the away team usually wears their white uniform, while the home team wears their dark uniform. This means that the game today featured a team wearing white against a team wearing light gray. And while the light gray team was wearing light blue pants, the white team was wearing pants with a large light blue streak right on the side. Also note that there's a patch of white on the sleeves of all four teams.

The result of this is that if you're watching the game the way we usually do when it's televised, you see the players' profiles. From the side, then, the players look almost identical (the fact that California has white helmets doesn't help matters, either).

At one point in time, California had a third and goal, and when the quarterback dropped back to pass, I decided to check to see if anyone was open. I almost gasped, because looking at the field, I couldn't tell who was on which team! The quarterback must have thought the same, because he kept the ball and ran it in (a nifty run, too).

This is a bad, bad idea. As I noted previously, one of the major problems fledgling leagues face is the loyalty of fans. Fans follow teams and players. Expansion teams and brand new leagues have it tough, because fans don't want to get involved with a team (or a league) that may fold the next year. The problem is only compounded when all the teams look the damn same. What were they thinking?!

If the aim of this league is to market itself to the NFL as a viable minor football league (to one day be affiliated with the NFL), then I suppose all they have to do is stay in existence for awhile. The NFL isn't paying for tickets or buying merchandise, though, and that's the only way this league can have any shelf life. Currently, I don't see anyone—anyone—buying merchandise with these crappy logos on them (no, not even Battlepiggy).

Having their debut game on the same night as the MLB baseball playoffs (it started at the exact same time as the Angels-Red Sox game) and Jim and Pam's wedding on The Office wasn't a great idea, either. The debut of the UFL is the culmination of a series of unbelievably poor marketing decisions.

UFL, you have failed. (And this is coming from a guy who gets excited about new professional leagues—even the XFL!)

It's October

2009-10-07T08:10:22Z

And you know what that means!

That's right: It's time for the MLB Playoffs!

Speaking about October, though, I must say, I do like the air. It's rejuvenating. I, of course, long for summer, but an autumn day is something to be treasured. It always feels as if there's some sort of magic in the air.

And if there's anything at all in America that still has an element of magic and mystery to it, it's baseball. The word "curse" would carry no weight in America if it weren't for baseball. It's the only modern activity where the utterly bizarre is routine, and the only institution that harkens back to the late 1800's. Not even the Capitol holds much magic anymore. Unfortunately, all we've got is baseball.

And, man, what a way for the playoffs to start!

This year, the American League Central Division championship came down to the final day, and what a show! Thirteen innings, plays at the plate, a crazy double play, and the Minnesota Twins, the perennial underdogs, played their way into the playoffs, delaying their departure from the Metrodome which last saw a world championship in 1991.

The stage has been set! Now all that remains are the games themselves. Here's how it will all go down.

National League
National League Division Series

(1) Los Angeles Dodgers def. (3) St. Louis Cardinals 3-1: Call me crazy, but the Dodgers aren't licked yet. The Cardinals may have pitching, but the Dodgers have heart—and world-class manager Joe Torre, who knows how to win in October. The Dodgers will surprise the Cardinals, and surprise the sports world. This is step 1. Dodgers win 3-0 (They've got it! They've really got it!)

(2) Philadephia Phillies def. (4) Colorado Rockies 3-1: Tempted to call this a sweep, but the Rockies' hot hitters will take one in Colorado. They had quite a run back in '07, but they don't have the tools this year. This time Christian God's team will bow out in the first round.

National League Championship Series

(1) Los Angeles Dodgers def. (2) Philadelphia Phillies 4-3: Payback's a bit nice, isn't it? This is a going to be a great series (unlike last year's), and the Dodgers will take it to the Phils. It'll be a raucous Game 7, and one for the ages. Get your popcorn, and get ready to hear Vin Scully call one last World Series: The Dodgers are headed to the big dance once again! Phillies win 4-1 (I...don't even want to talk about it)

American League
American League Division Series

(1) New York Yankees def. (3) Minnesota Twins 3-0: Get ready to hate the Yankees again! After an emotional, epic win over the Detroit Tigers in the 163rd game of the regular season, the Twins are going to get pummeled by the Yanks in the Bronx—and they'll never recover. The last baseball game in the Metrodome will be a crushing loss to the hated Yankees, and they'll sweep to move on to the ALCS. Oh well. At least they've still got Brett Favre...

(4) Boston Red Sox def. (2) Anaheim Angels 3-1: Oh, snap, not again! You mean the Angels who can't beat the Red Sox in the playoffs have yet again drawn the Red Sox in the Division Series?! How does this happen every year?! Oh, I know: It's because the team with the best record in the league can't play the Wild Card if the Wild Card comes from their division. My mistake. Sorry, Angels fans! Curses mean more than the make-up of a team, and the Angels have two things against them: The Red Sox and their team name. Early exit for the Halos yet again. (You reading this, Moreno, you drunken idiot?) Angels win 3-0 (They're just setting themselves up for disappointment...)

American League Championship Series

(1) New York Yankees def. (4) Boston Red Sox 4-2: Chapter Five Billion in the Yankees-Red Sox Saga that everyone seems to care about, even though they shouldn't. The Yanks have too much this year, and Derek Jeter wants to win another championship (ha). What are the Red Sox playing for? Nothing. They're too complacent, and will let this one slip right through their fingers. Damn, you know what this means? That's right: The Yankees are in the World Series again, and will have a shot at reversing their terrible curse! Will they do it?!

(1) New York Yankees def. (2) Anaheim Angels 4-1: The Angels are going to learn what it feels like to lose to the "Damn Yankees". It will be amusing. As for the Yankees, they're in the World Series again, and will have a shot at reversing their terrible curse! Will they do it? Yankees win 4-2 (Way to blow my prediction even though we all knew you were fated to lose anyway, "Los Angeles"!)

The World Series

(1) Los Angeles Dodgers def. (1) New York Yankees 4-2: Of course not! Has every team in the league won a title yet? Nope. Have the Yankees stopped trying to buy championships? Mark Teixeira and CC Sabathia say no they have not! The Yankees are going to be scratching their heads over this one, as the Dodgers will seem to be overmatched. And yet...

~~Game 1: Yankees 5 Dodgers 2~~

Game 2: Dodgers 6 Yankees 4

Game 3: Dodgers 3 Yankees 2

Game 4: Yankees 9 Dodgers 4

Game 5: Dodgers 12 Yankees 3

Game 6: Dodgers 7 Yankees 5

Game 7: (Not Necessary)

~~World Series MVP: Manny Ramírez~~

(2) Philadelphia Phillies def. (1) New York Yankees 4-2: Of course not! Has every team in the league won a title yet? Nope. Have the Yankees stopped trying to buy championships? Mark Teixeira and CC Sabathia say no they have not! The Yankees seem to be the better team, but, then again, they always seem to be the better team. And yet... (Yankees win 4-2. I've got to hand it to them: They really earned it)

Game 1: Yankees 5 Phillies 3 (Phillies win 6-1)

Game 2: Phillies 7 Yankees 3 (Yankees win 3-1)

Game 3: Yankees 6 Phillies 4 (Yankees win 8-4)

Game 4: Phillies 9 Yankees 6 (Yankees win 7-4)

Game 5: Phillies 7 Yankees 5 (Phillies win 8-6)

Game 6: Phillies 8 Yankees 4 (Yankees win 7-3)

Game 7: (Not Necessary)

World Series MVP: Ryan Howard (Hideki Matsui)

Note: I'll be editing this periodically to show how I'm doing. Correct predictions will be in blue; incorrect in red. If I predicted the series winner right but the number of games wrong, the text will be purple. I'll update series that are affected by previous incorrect predictions, but I'll leave my original predictions, which will be ~~struck through~~.

September '09

2009-10-07T07:37:16Z

Man, oh, man... So busy. And it may all be for naught...

3/5 of the way through the novel.

I'm the co-author of something that appears in SpecGram this month (but I don't remember what I did for it...).

Wrote a few blog posts.

Actually added two book reviews to my reviews section (The Double and The Forest of a Thousand Daemons), though I owe at least two more (one of which is long overdue...).

So what else have I been doing? Well, I've been extremely busy. With what? Oh, nothing. I mean, it's something, but I'm not saying—and if things don't go well, I'll likely never say.

In the meantime, though, you can enjoy my upcoming post devoted to the Major League Baseball playoffs! Everyone likes baseball, right?

Right...?

They Stole My Meme!

2009-09-30T09:06:20Z

And they did it wrong.

I was recently made aware of the Philosoraptor meme. And, indeed, it is hilarious, because that picture is priceless.

But one enterprising photoshopper took it too far! Not only did he make fun of the thing I like to make fun of, he did it wrong! How, you might ask? By pluralizing the second noun. That's absurd! That's like saying, "All your bases belong to us"!

Well, I'm hereby taking back my internet whipping phrase, and posting the correct version below.

Philosoraptor wonders...

Gay Marriage in 2010?

2009-09-25T08:43:21Z

Oops on the part of Reuters (via Yahoo! News):

Gay rights activists hoping to win back the right to marry in California submitted a ballot proposal on Thursday for the November 2010 election -- a date deep-pocketed advocates have said is too soon.

So it's not homosexuals that don't have the right to marry, it's gay rights activists? Or are they implying that no straight person could possibly support same sex marriage...?

So the big question (and I think conservatives know this, too) isn't whether same sex couples should marry: it's gonna happen. No, the question is when. Most civil rights groups that I've been keeping tabs on have come to the conclusion that the best time to go to the ballot again is 2012.

Then this happened.

Of course, they're going to need a million signatures to get the measure on the ballot, but they probably will. The question is, is there enough support (financial support, of course—the only kind of support that counts in this country) to back this effort? There's always going to be more than enough support for the other side (people get worked up into a frenzy when it comes to denying the rights of "the other" [or the closeted self]); we need a lot to be able to push back. If we can't get that effort, will yet another failure cause the monied half-hearted supporters to head for the hills for the next, what, ten, maybe twenty years...?

It drives me nuts, because to me this is such a simple, black and white issue. Somehow around election time, though (and only around election time), the crafty conservatives try to turn this into a gray issue (Liberal communist gay teachers are going to force your children to participate in gay marriages! If this passes, the state will be forced to recognize a marriage between a man and a cow! Two dudes marrying each other ruins the economy! This is just a way for gay deviants to dupe the elderly out of their children's inheritance! Child abductions rise by 328% when gay vampires are allowed to roam freely among the living!). It seems to be the only way they can win, but it keeps working...

Oh well. Slow but steady, I suppose.

It's Mid September

2009-09-18T09:42:49Z

And you know what that means!

That's right: It's time for the WNBA Playoffs! Indeed, it's that special time when the entire country comes together to completely not care about the race towards a sports championship. Consider that all the major sports (the NBA, the NFL—even the NHL) have their fan base. Sure, there are plenty of people who just don't care what happens in any given sport (and plenty are even proud of it. "I don't know who's playing for the World Series! Aren't I special?" It always amazes me how some will use their lack of knowledge to try to make themselves appear unique [as if we humans needed that. We're all unique. Being so is nothing special]), but there are always those who will come to the defense of a sport and try to convince the unconvincible (if that were a word, I'm pretty sure that's how it'd be spelled) that what happens in said sport matters.

With the WNBA, though, everyone seems to get together and enjoy shrugging at each other.

Well, not me, dagnabbit! With the economy the way it is, each WNBA season may be its last, so I'm going to do my part to catalogue its passing.

Below are my predictions for the 2009 WNBA playoffs. "Hey, wait a minute," you say. "The playoffs already started! Four games have gone by! Your predictions are tainted!" Perhaps, but not by much. While this post comes after the playoffs started, I made my predictions during the very first game (it was Atlanta at Detroit, and at the time it was a tight contest that anyone could have won). I say that's close enough.

Eastern Conference
First Round

(1) Indiana Fever def. (4) Washington Mystics 2-1: Remember how awhile back I mentioned that I hoped the Indiana Fever stuck around long enough for this logo to be appreciated? Well, they did their damnedest this year. The franchise is in trouble, and I believed before the season started that if they didn't do something spectacular this year, they'd fold. I think the players knew this, and so they grabbed the top seed in the east. They'll drop a game to the Mystics, but these players are fighting for their jobs and the future of their franchise. They're not losing this series. Indiana wins 2-0 (no idea why I thought the Mystics would win one...).

(3) Detroit Shock def. (2) Atlanta Dream 2-1: Tempted to call this a sweep, but Atlanta will pull one out at home. The Detroit Shock are a third seed in name only. They finished with the same record as the Dream, and they have one thing the Dream doesn't: Championship experience. They know how to win in the playoffs, and they'll move on to the Eastern Conference Finals. Detroit wins 2-0 (should've called the sweep!).

Eastern Conference Finals

(1) Indiana Fever def. (3) Detroit Shock 2-1: Championship experience will get the Shock one game, but the Fever are fighting for their lives. They'll take the series and move on to their first WNBA Final.

Western Conference
First Round

(1) Phoenix Mercury def. (4) San Antonio Silver Stars 2-0: My team had better not get lazy. They better remember that they have the best record in the league, and they're playing a team that has the worst record of any Western Conference playoff team in WNBA history. Phoenix wins 2-1 (figures: the one sweep I do call...).

(3) Los Angeles Sparks def. (2) Seattle Storm 2-1: I'd like to see Seattle succeed to spite their recently departed Sonics, but the Storm are without Lauren Jackson. Even though this is a big rivalry, you can't win a playoff series without your best player. They'll take a game, but not the series. Oh, and Candace Parker? You better show me something!

Western Conference Finals

(3) Los Angeles Farmers Insurance def. (1) Phoenix Lifelock 2-1: Oh, sorry, I guess that's the Sparks and Mercury. I couldn't tell, because when I turn on the TV, their uniforms say "Farmers Insurance" and "Lifelock". That's right: They sold advertising space on the front of their jersey. This may fly in soccer, but in a real sport, this is just unimaginable. I'd sooner see a team fold than do this. Oh well. Farmers Insurance will win the Advertising Bowl. Phoenix wins 2-1 (wow. Way to go, LA: Ruin Lisa Leslie's last season. You blew my predictions, Coop. I won't forget this...)

WNBA Finals

(3) Los Angeles Sparks def. (1) Indiana Fever 3-1: This is not what I want to happen, but it's what I think will happen. This is Lisa Leslie's last WNBA season, and I know her teammates want to see her go out with another championship. This run is reminiscent of the San Antonio Spurs in 1999, and just as David Robinson was holding the championship trophy with Tim Duncan holding the Finals MVP, Lisa Leslie will be holding the WNBA championship trophy and Candace Parker will be holding the Finals MVP. This is how it will go down:

~~Game 1: Sparks 93 Fever 79~~

Game 2: Sparks 86 Fever 83

Game 3: Fever 77 Sparks 70

Game 4: Sparks 98 Fever 89

Game 5: Not Necessary

Finals MVP: Candace Parker
Finals Scoring Average: Parker 16.2, Catchings 28.6
Triple Doubles: 0

(1) Phoenix Mercury def. (1) Indiana Fever 3-2: Indiana's story is inspiring, but I've seen Phoenix play: they are good. I don't think anyone can beat them in a series. They've got one of the best player's in the game's history in Taurasi, and deadly three point shooters. Nevertheless, Indiana's got fight, so I see them winning a couple games. This is how it will go down:

Game 1: Mercury 104 Fever 94 (Phoenix wins 120-116 in OT)

Game 2: Fever 83 Mercury 80 (Indiana wins 93-84)

Game 3: Mercury 99 Fever 88 (Indiana wins 86-85)

Game 4: Fever 93 Mercury 84 (Phoenix wins 90-77)

Game 5: Mercury 113 Fever 89 (Phoenix wins 94-86)

Finals MVP: Diana Taurasi
Finals Scoring Average: Taurasi 27.3 (24.2), Catchings 29.6 (16.2)
Triple Doubles: 0

Note: I'll be editing this periodically to show how I'm doing. Correct predictions will be in blue; incorrect in red. If I predicted the series winner right but the number of games wrong, the text will be purple. I'll update series that are affected by previous incorrect predictions, but I'll leave my original predictions, which will be ~~struck through~~.

Harsh?

2009-09-13T07:41:16Z

So, if you're at all a fan of television, radio, print media or the internet, and you live somewhere in the West, you probably heard that The Beatles: Rock Band came out this past Wednesday, along with the rest of the Beatles' remastered albums. The Beatles were one of a handful of bands that had been left out of the Guitar Hero/Rock Band games prior to this one (other notables: Led Zeppelin, the Doors, Van Halen [though cf. Guitar Hero: Van Halen (which, by the way, will be a disaster, since they're going to pretend that Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony never existed)]), and so it wasn't a surprise when everyone (myself included) went wild when the game was announced. The question, of course, was if the gameplay would stand up.

I've been lucky enough to play it twice, and have gotten a chance to play most of the songs (only a couple from Let It Be I haven't seen yet). As I expected, the game is incredible. All told, the Beatles are probably the best group ever, and this is the next best thing to playing the songs live.

One thing that was bound to occur, though, as I've played the gain most often as the vocalist, is that I've been forced to pay attention to lyrics whose content I've always just kind of assumed (how many others thought the first line of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" was "I look at you all / See the love perverts sleeping"? Tell me that wasn't just me!). What really struck me playing the game was the song "Paperback Writer". Most are probably familiar with this song (or, if that doesn't ring a bell, how about "Paperbag Writer"? That's not what they're actually saying: It's "Paperback Writer". The common mistake, though, led to the Radiohead song "Paperbag Writer"), or, if not, you can listen to it here. Ooh! Or even better...

There's the song. You can listen along and read, at the same time.

Anyway, what struck me about this song is how harsh it is. There are plenty of songs that mock people or things (politicians, preachers, record executives, the East Coast, modern radio, Thomas Edison, the band's most popular song and their fans, famous musicians whose lives were tragically cut short, and Led Zeppelin made a career out of misogyny [yes, each of those words links to a different song. I think the last is the worst]), but in this one, the Beatles seem to be taking aim at writers. The question I have is: Why?

Take a look at the lyrics (cut down a bit to save space):

Paperback writer...

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

It's the dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
His son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few,
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I can make it longer if you like the style,
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

If you really like it you can have the rights,
It could make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

I mean, yes, most writers are out of work and pathetic (raises hand!), but, honestly, do we need to be knocked down a peg? Even most successful writers aren't famous, and aren't that well off. Writers don't get to strut around like rock stars; no one recognizes them when they go to the grocery store. Just what is it about writers—even bad ones—that made ol' John and Paul decide to give them the business?

Oh well. It could be worse, I suppose. We could be John's first wife, Cynthia.

August '09

2009-09-08T09:09:42Z

It's getting serious now. It's getting real...

2/5 of the way through the novel (perhaps 2.5/5, if you can mix decimals and fractions).

Added nothing to anything. (Hey, here's fun: If I capitalize the word "Added" and begin a sentence with it, my web browser tells me I've misspelled. If I start out lower case, it says it's fine. If I change the case of the first word from lower to upper, it says it's fine. Only if I start out with a capital letter [and only at the beginning of the sentence] does it tell me it's misspelled. How odd...)

Something I wrote up quick appears in this month's SpecGram. (I also wrote a funny response in the "Letters to the Editor" section. It shouldn't be hard to figure out which is mine.)

I guess that's not much, but nearly half the month was (or is it exactly half...?) spent visiting (first relatives visiting, then visiting relatives). The other half was eaten up by something I will probably never discuss (and it continues to eat).

Happily, though, I can report that I went to Shubert's (if I'm counting right) seven times! Not bad for a weeklong visit to Chico.

Now back to my mountain of work...

Wow

2009-08-23T09:31:33Z

I saw Ozzy Osbourne today. Just incredible. I swear, that guy has two different selves: The one people make fun of on commercials and The Osbournes, and the one that's completely electric on stage. That's another one I can cross off my list. If only I can get a chance to see David Bowie...

El Zilcho

2009-08-18T11:17:36Z

A couple of days ago I had a strange dream. A number of things, of course, were happening (though at least my eyebrow didn't fall off [that happened during last night's dream]), but eventually I was in a position where I wanted to go to back to school night. I was in my parents' old house (it's always that one—the one before the remodel), and I really wanted to go, but unfortunately I had a task: I had to write "el zilcho" in Arabic. My parents were disappointed, but they understood, because, well, some things must be done.

It was terribly frustrating for a number of reasons. First, I had to write it perfectly, but there was no paper at hand. I was having to write on napkins, the backs of binders, a great big construction paper sign, and a notepad. There was a lot of writing on all of these, and it was hard to find space. Occasionally, I would get it write, and it was going just perfectly, and then...I'd come to the end of the page, and couldn't write the last character. Argh!

But the main trouble was the fact that I was confusing the Arabic script with a script of my own. Back when I created my first language, I was heavily influenced by Esperanto and Arabic—the latter because I was taking it at the time. The first thing I decided must be done (must be done) if I were to have my own language was it needed to have its own unique script. And, since I liked Arabic so much (still do), I decided to base my new script on Arabic. Some of the characters are borrowed wholesale; some are borrowed and repurposed; and others still are very similar to Arabic characters. As a result, the scripts look very similar, and write very similar. In a dream, where things are topsy-turvy anyway, it's no wonder that I would make mistakes, even though I would never do it in real life.

So here's what the problems were. If one wanted to write "el zilcho" in Arabic, the first problem would be that Arabic has no "ch" sound. However, the Arabic script has been used to write a number of languages other than Arabic, several of which have a "ch", and, since I was interested, I learned (way back—before college, even) that you write a "ch" like an Arabic Haa with three dots below it. I know this now, and knew it in the dream, so here's what "el zilcho" would look like in the Arabic script (this is my handwriting and an iPhone picture, so bear with me [oh, also, both scripts are written right to left]):

On the right is a fully-voweled version of "el zilcho" (schematically, "a+l+z+i+l+ch+a+w"), and on the left is a more common variant. For those who read Arabic, you might note that I've used the convention whereby the diphthong alif+waw is used to make an "o" (it really sounds like that [or, at least, in the Arabic I was taught]).

So that's Arabic. Here's what it would look like in my script:

Here, the difference between the two is a bit simpler. If I followed the Arabic, the initial vowel would be "a", and so you'd use the variant on the right. If I did it based on how it sounds to English ears, the vowel would be "e", and it'd be written as it is on the left. One might also throw a "w" on the end, but the "w" looks just like the one above in Arabic, so I figure I'd leave it off. Schematically, it's "glottal stop+a/e+l+z+i+l+ch+o".

The two are similar, but quite distinct, of course. Here are some of the errors I made in my dream:

This is a kind of mix of Arabic and my script. And, wouldn't you know it, the error I kept on making again and again and again was I'd forget the "z"! Here, what you see is "Arabic a+l+l+my ch+Arabic w". So, of course, I'd have to start over:

Now this is really close to being correct in my script, but what you see with the two colors is what I wrote first (green), and then what I tried to write on top of it once I was finished with the green (magenta). That was useless, though, since I had to write it perfectly before I could go. So, back to the drawing board:

This one fooled me at first. "Looks like good Arabic to me," I thought, before I realized that the "z" is not an Arabic "z"! Gah! And no diacritics (and to write it perfectly, all the diacritics had to be in place).

The most frustrating, though, were these types of errors:

It's perfect, but I hit the edge of the paper! Arrgh!

The dream went on like this for who knows how long, until I finally (finally!) wrote it perfectly. What did the trick? Well, in the dream, I thought to myself, "Wait a minute, this is a dream, and I'm making a mistake here: Arabic's script differs from my script in several important ways." I realized this and just switched to my script and I wrote it perfectly. Then, wouldn't you know it, I looked at the clock, and it was already 10:30, and back to school night was ending at 10:45, so, of course, going was pointless. A bit miffed, I sat back and stared out into the backyard, when the dream shifted to different time and place.

It occurs to me that none of this would have been a problem at all if we had transporters à la Star Trek. If we did, then I could just teleport there and back and work on "el zilcho" later. In a world with transporters, we've got nothing but time! And yet we waste money on professional sports teams, new cars, shopping malls and television news programs... Y'all are lucky I'm not President of Earth. If I were, every red cent would be spent on the transporter development. After all, if we got it, it wouldn't matter what happened in the interim: World peace would be achieved as soon as transporters were made safe, cheap and widely available. Oh well. At least my dreams are vivid and terrible. Hopefully I won't lose any eyebrows tonight...

[Edit: Uh...oops! I just noticed that in my last picture—the one that's supposed to be perfect save that it runs off the edge—I made a mistake. Yet again, I mixed up my script with the Arabic. Instead of an alif, there should that little curl doohickey that represents the glottal stop. Man alive! Guess that means it's time to go to bed...]

Oh My

2009-08-14T06:59:37Z

There's this site called This Is Why You're Fat, and allegram found what I think is a good candidate at the recent OC Fair:

I have nothing else to say just yet, so I thought I'd share. (And, no, she didn't try it.)

/groan

2009-08-08T00:42:13Z

From a recent town hall meeting disruption:

"There is no way, shape or form we need to have a national healthcare system. No! Nothing! None! It's got to stop now."

No way, shape or form? Really?

It's amazing to me how the Conservative Media Machine (CMM!) can get people riled up and angry about something they could actually use, and that the majority of us really want. I specifically held off on getting healthcare because I was waiting for Obama to get us national healthcare. It's like they really believe it's just a game...